What is your diagnosis? What makes your particular diagnosis difficult to deal with? What are your daily struggles? Take us through a day in the life.
My diagnosis: Bipolar II Disorder, and Gender Dysphoria [I also have a childhood that wasn’t so pleasing]
- My mood swings happen so quickly, I don’t even know what’s happening [BPD]
- I have so many self image issues [Gender Dysphoria]
- I have trouble sleeping or I sleep too much [BPD]
- Unwanted thoughts just keeping invading my head [Both]
- I get paranoid easily [BPD]
- If I start something, and don’t finish in that sitting, It won’t get done [BPD]
- I get waves of depression and waves of extreme happiness [BPD]
- I suffered from self-harm and still run the risk of relapsing [Both]
- I can’t seem to stay happy for long [BPD]
Day in my life: I try and get up, and take my meds. I shower, get dressed (multiple outfit changes due to self-esteem problems). I eat, and try and find something to occupy my day with. I talk to maybe one or two people and try to find friends online to talk to. But I can’t really talk to people, though I try. I get upset easily, and though I want to be a child counselor. I have a hard time helping people with problems that relate to mine. I usually have a hard time falling asleep. And my day starts over again.
Tell us about yourself:
My name is Marshall Rey Hamilton, and I come from a very “unique” family. I am a transgender male that happens to have Bipolar Disorder. My life has been, to say the least, interesting. A few months before I came out as trans*, I asked to go to a psychiatrist. I got put on medication, one of which, I’m still on currently. I’ve been in therapy since I was about 6, with all different therapists. I am currently trying to help myself get back on my feet.
When did you realize what you were experiencing wasn’t normal?
When I turned about 13, I knew something was different. I couldn’t figure out why everyone else was doing “better than I was”. They could handle more stress than me, and I didn’t like it.
Early on, why didn’t you seek help?
I didn’t want my mom and dad to think I was a freak.
I didn’t think I needed help
What type of reactions are not easy for you to hear?
“Why are you crying?”
“Just act normal already”
What reactions do you appreciate when you share with someone that you live with a mental illness?
“Is there anything I can do?”
What do you feel are some of the misperceptions around mental illness?
Mental Illness is often misunderstood as something thats wrong with someone, and it’s not. Honestly, its what makes us all different. We all have different stories and backgrounds.
What is trans*?
It is, in a general statement, not identifying with the sex you were assigned at birth. I, personally, was assigned Female, while I have grown to identify as Male.