Diagnosis: Anxiety, Depression, Bulimia
“What if I’m not pretty enough?”, “what if I’m not skinny enough?”, “what if they don’t like me?”
My constant thoughts always have revolved around these “what-if” thoughts. After a car accident I experienced with my mom and baby sister when I was 7, I have always worried and lived in the future. I never focused on the current moment I was in. Soon after the accident, anxiety became my friend, the kind of friend that picks on you and puts you down on your worst days but yet is so hard to bare without. Due to my anxiety issues, I began struggling with body issues, fearing people would think of me as “not thin enough.” I can remember restricting for the first time in the 4th grade, after a fellow student asked me “Ava, why are you so big?”, when he was referring to my height, I assumed he meant my weight. I struggled with restrict dieting for a while, years past and I eventually let that bad habit go, but unfortunately picked up one equally as bad. I began to purge, once, twice a week at most. As the months went by I gradually started to purge more. At the highlight of my battle with bulimia, I was purging 4-5 times a day. Anything I would eat or drink would eventually be purged. I knew the health problems would soon catch up with me, but they came faster than I expected. Throughout my fight against bulimia my weight fluctuated a lot, and I lost roughly 30-40 pounds in my battle. I began experiencing fatigue, dehydration, migraines, acid reflux, and my menstruation cycle was soon nonexistent. While struggling with bulimia, I picked up another bad habit. Self harm. I knew I needed help with the both of them, and soon I realized if I didn’t speak up, I would never get the help I needed. I now am a proud student in a CC/DBT center in long island, and I am learning to cope and deal with my anxiety/depression. Every day is a fight, but I am finally starting to see that life is a battle worth fighting.