Most people say it needs to be a certain level of darkness to see the stars.
Why do we equate such a pretty thing like a star with darkness?
Most people say it's easier to describe thing such as depression and anxiety as a shade or a color.
When you're depressed you're blue.
But what about when you're panic stricken, what about when you think the walls are closing in and you can't breathe?
Yellow. I think of yellow.
I think of being electrocuted by my own thoughts.
Red. I think red.
I think my body and my brain being on fire, and I can't put it out because it's down to the bone.
Gray. I think gray.
I think gray like the fog that I constantly am living in.
And you would think all the colors combined would make something beautiful - but it's dark.
Darkness, I thought darkness brought beauty.
This darkness makes me feel ugly and in pieces that I can't glue together.
A darkness that I try to cleanse in hot water trying to grab on to anything pure.
Most people equate a certain darkness with a sense of something with the potential of beauty. And light colors with comfort.
I am not most people.
Nicole is a beam of sunshine from Long Island living with GAD, lupus, and all the wacky medical complications that come along with it. She's a pro at: hospital stays, taking too many medications at once, panic attacks, and living with pain.